Lonely Omakes
by The Anti-Stratigist
Summary: This is a compilation of humorous one-shots that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote them down. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Mishaps

Disclaimer- I still don't own Naruto, and I won't for the rest of this story. :)

Summary - Have you ever noticed the crazy things ninja wear? Or wondered how they pull off those absurd outfits? Well here are a few times when they didn't.

Genma

It was a normal day at the hospital for Sakura. Lee and Naruto had overdone it in a spar and needed to be patched up. A team had come back from a routine mission and so needed routine medical attention. Yes, it was a normal day for Sakura, so boringly normal that Sakura was happy when Ino showed up for their Bi-weekly fighting/bonding time. It was as they were arguing about whether Kakashi was disfigured underneath his mask that Sakura got her first interesting patient.

Somehow Genma had gotten the tip of his tongue partially torn off, and Sakura was called in to reattach it, while Ino volunteered to stay and help. Genma was a fun guy who was always interesting to talk to, but today all Sakura wanted to know was how on earth Genma had injured his tongue. After all it wasn't exactly a common spot for injury among shinobi. After Sakura had finished reattaching the tongue and had written Genma a prescription for some pain meds( Not that he'd take them. Stupid shinobi.). Sakura listened to Ino explain to Genma how to take care of the injury. Genma interrupted Ino's explanation with a question, "Hey Ino, you said I needed to be careful what I put in my mouth, does that include my senbon(acupuncture needle)? Because, you know, chewing on senbon, it's kinda my thing."

Ino was staring at Genma as if trying to decide whether he was serious, or not after deciding that he was she scowled called him an idiot, and stormed out of the room while muttering something about how all the cute shinobi were lunatics, and why couldn't she get a break? Ino slammed the door behind her cutting off her rant. Sakura was surprised by Ino's reaction, then she looked over at Genma and saw him staring at the door with a shocked expression on his face. Sakura gave a nervous laugh, "Don't mind Ino Genma-san, she gets like that sometimes."

Genma shook his head and then looked at Sakura with a little half smile, "By Ino-san's reaction I'm guessing that chewing on my senbon right now would be a bad idea."

Sakura wasn't quite sure how to answer that. Medically, yeah chewing on a senbon right now was a very bad idea, but what about overall, wasn't constantly chewing on a sharp pointy weapon _always_ a bad idea? Ah well she was only allowed to give opinions on medical things; trying to give opinions on other things would probably be seen as rude, or nosey. So, with a smile Sakura answered, "Yeah I'd avoid chewing on senbon for at least a week, and, if you can manage it, two weeks would be best."

Genma looked surprisingly dejected at that answer. To get his mind off the no senbon rule, and satisfy her own curiosity, Sakura decided to ask Genma a question, "So Genma-san, how did you manage to injure your tongue anyway? I mean, it's not exactly a hot spot for attack."

Genma's smile turned sheepish, "Well, um, I was chatting with Izumo and Kotetsu down by the gate, And I was probably standing a bit too close to the shack there. When Gai ran up behind me and started shouting I turned around too fast and my senbon hit one of the poles that keep the shack up. My tongue was badly torn before I even realized the danger."

Sakura just gave Genma a disbelieving stare for a minute, "So..., let me get this straight. You... got your tongue almost completely torn off because you were chewing on a senbon, and yet you're disappointed that you have to wait a week to chew on one again?"

Genma shrugged, "Yeah."

Sakura's stare grew more intense, "Have you been injured by having a senbon in your mouth before?"

Genma nodded, "Yeah a few times, when I wasn't careful enough."

"But you still keep putting the senbon back in your mouth? Why?" Sakura asked.

Genma gave Sakura a genuine smile, "'Cause chewin' on a senbon is my thing."

Sakura gave Genma a baffled look and shook her head, "Well, as long as you always seek out medical attention quickly I can't say anything. You're all set to head out. Remember there's a prescription for pain meds if you need them, all your care instructions are written down, and most importantly, no senbon anywhere near your mouth for at least a week."

Genma gave Sakura a bright smile, "Thanks Sakura-san." after which he got up and started heading for the hospital exit.

As Sakura watched Genma go she couldn't help but shake her head at the crazy things shinobi did to themselves.

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Sai

Sakura was getting groceries when Sai ran up to her looking twitchy, "Sakura I need your help!"

Sakura was concerned it wasn't like Sai to be so emotional. With a worried frown on her face, she asked, "What's wrong Sai?"

Sai stared at her for a minute with a haunted look on his face before he shuddered, "I was getting a drink when some guys came and hit on me." Sai's normally pale face got paler, "They thought I was a girl, Sakura!"

Sakura burst out laughing. She tried to contain it she really did, but Sai's shocked face combined with that ridiculous story was just too much. However, when Sai pouted and turned to walk away Sakura managed to get herself under control, "Wait. Sai I'm sorry. You just surprised me, that's all. I'm sorry for laughing at you. Now, what did you need my help with?"

Sai still looked a little pouty as he replied, "I need you to help me pick out a new uniform. You and Naruto have been saying for years that this outfit makes me look girly. I never took you seriously before, but now I definitely do."

Sakura was amazed by how surreal this conversation was, but still, she was glad that Sai was finally agreeing to change his uniform even if it was because of odd circumstances, Sakura gave a bright smile, "I'd love to help you find a new outfit Sai. Lets start looking right now."

Sai nodded and started to head for the nearest shinobi store. Sakura shook her head as she followed behind Sai. This day was certainly turning out differently than expected. Still, it was nice to see that Naruto's emotion lessons with Sai were working. Sakura didn't think she'd ever seen Sai show more emotion than he had in the last five minutes. But, Sakura wished she could have been there when those guys had hit on Sai, it would have been great to see all their faces.

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Itachi

Team Kakashi was on a low key recon mission. It was meant to be a break for all the team members, but Sakura was pretty sure this mission was meant to be an off the books low level torture session instead. There could be no other description for being forced to listen to Naruto whine about this mission for four straight days. As Sakura watched Naruto get ready to begin another complaining session, she debated with herself if it would really be such a bad thing to cut off Naruto's tongue and save the world from death by grumbling.

Thankfully, before Naruto could really get going on his spiel. Itachi walked into the clearing. The shock of seeing Itachi sent Naruto into a blessedly silent state. Still, there had to be better ways of shutting Naruto up than having an S-ranked nuke-nin(Missing nin) unexpectedly show up. Sakura studied Itachi as he stood there studying them. He still looked the same as the last time she'd seen him, not that she saw him all that often. Itachi still had the Akatsuki black cloak with red clouds on it, and he still had one arm resting on the partially open cloak in front rather then through the sleeve like a normal person.

Sakura's perusal on the nuke-nin was cut off as Naruto attacked him. She saw Itachi's eyes widen minutely before he dodged out of the way of Naruto's attack. She noticed that as Itachi was dodging he tried to put the hand in front back into its sleeve, but it looked like the arm got stuck half in and half out of his sleeve. Sakura had to admit the look on Itachi's face when his arm got stuck was priceless.

But, there was no time to give in to her entertainment at Itachi's predicament as Itachi proved he deserved his S-rank status by recovering from his surprise quickly and immediately placing Naruto in a genjutsu without the use of hand seals. Sakura hurried to break the genjutsu on Naruto while Kakashi and Sai rushed Itachi from both sides in hopes of catching him in a pincer movement. Itachi again managed to dodge without much difficulty, but Sakura eyes were once again drawn to Itachi's stuck arm as it furiously jerked from Itachi's efforts to get it unstuck.

After Naruto got his senses back from his time in the genjustu both Sakura and Naruto joined in the fight against Itachi. The fight only lasted a few minutes as Itachi was able to hold them off, literally, single handedly, and finally managed to escape without much damage, although even as he disappeared he was still frantically trying to get his arm unstuck.

Team Kakashi stayed in attack-ready position until they were sure Itachi was really gone, and then collapsed in exhaustion. Well except Naruto; he collapsed laughing. After Naruto managed to calm his laughter a little he said, "You know I've always been scared of Itachi, but from now on every time I think of Itachi and this battle I think I'll want to laugh at the expression on Itachi's face when he realized his arm was stuck."

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Naruto

Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, Sai, and Ino were wildly searching for Naruto, and they weren't the only ones. Team Kakashi knew that somewhere in this forest Akatsuki was searching for Naruto as well. They had been looking for Naruto since morning and were beginning to feel frustrated and desperate as a bright orange sunset painted the sky.

Sakura watched as Kakashi-sensei and his dog Pakkun tried to sniff Naruto out, but they were near a waterfall and the water in the air was dampening Naruto's scent, making him harder to find. Kakashi-sensei and Pakkun were finally able to narrow Naruto's location to the top of the cliff they were at the bottom of. However, as they tried to search for Naruto they realized that this cliff was backed by the bright orange sunset they had been trying to ignore. Ino groaned, "Just our luck that the one time we really need to find Naruto his ridiculous kill-me-orange jumpsuit matches the color of the sunset."

Sakura nodded in agreement, "And here I thought that that jumpsuit would never work for camouflage. Dang, I guess I lose that bet."

Team Kakashi were eventually able to find Naruto and get him safely back to Konoha, and a frantic Tsunade. After team Kakashi had explained to Tsunade why it had taken so long to find Naruto she shook her head, "Well Naruto, maybe it's a good thing your wear that bright orange jumpsuit. You're too hard to find when you can't be seen."

A/N Well that's a wrap. I'm still focused on my other story, but this little plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone so I decided to humor it. I hope you liked. Also if anyone wants to take this idea and run with it feel free to.


	2. Chapter 2

Handling a Bijuu

Summary- Most believe taming a Bijuu without a bloodline can't be done, but there are ways.

Yamato was rushing back to Konoha as he found out the seal he had put on Naruto's ability to channel the Kyuubi's chakra had broken and that Naruto was now channeling the horrifying amount of 8 tails of demon chakra. The staggering amount of chakra Naruto was channeling worried Yamato as he wasn't sure he would be able to help Naruto repress that much. For all that he had the mokuton bloodline he was no Shodai and he certainly didn't have the First's legendary strength in taming the Bijuu.

It was these thoughts of doubt that filled his head as he finally made it into the village, and saw a terrible sight. Konoha was almost completely gone with a massive crater left in its place. Only the outskirts of the village had escaped whatever devastating jutsu had caused this destruction. But as distressing as the sight of an enormous crater where the village used to be was, what was in the center of the crater was even worse. For there in plain view was the sight of an 8-tailed Naruto pummeling 6 people who, he hoped, were the ones who had attacked the village. Yamato only had time to get an understanding of what was going on before the Kyuubified Naruto grabbed the 6 people in his tails and threw them far from the village and then pelted after them. It couldn't have been more than a minute later that the oppressive feel of the Kyuubi's chakra vanished completely.

Yamato sunk to his knees in shock. Surely the only way to get rid of the Kyuubi chakra when Naruto was so far gone was to kill him. The mokuton user bowed his head in sorrow for the loss of a comrade and prayed that, by some miracle, Naruto had managed to take Konoha's aggressors down with him. Behind him all was silent except the occasional sob, mourning the loss of a loved one.

It was maybe a half-hour later that the mourning citizens of Konoha got a frightful shock as all around the village people who were clearly dead came gasping back to life. Disturbed cries rose from all over the village as people loudly uttered questions on how their once clearly dead friends could be alive. In all the commotion, no-one noticed when the blond haired jinchuuriki came back into town.

Sakura was the one who noticed him first, and with a relieved sob rushed to give him a crushing hug. Naruto gave a nervous laugh, "Wow Sakura-chan, this is a surprisingly warm greeting. Can I ask why your giving it to me?"

Sakura pulled away from Naruto and whacked him upside the head as she tearfully said, "Baka. How else would I respond to finding out you're not dead?"

Naruto gave Sakura a strange look, "Why would you think I was dead?

It was Yamato who answered, "You were up to 8 tails with Kyuubi's chakra when suddenly, we couldn't feel it at all. The only way for you to get out of the Kyuubi state is if you're unconscious, or dead. Considering how far gone you were we feared it was the latter."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, and was about to respond when Kakashi interrupted, "Hold up a sec. Naruto, after you use the Kyuubi's chakra you always end up unconscious and usually the more chakra you use, the longer you're out of it. How the heck are you awake now?"

The blond jinchuuriki once again rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment as he said, "Well I found out that as long as I'm in complete control of Kyuubi's chakra I don't pass out afterwards."

Everyone stared incredulously at Naruto while Sakura asked, "So you didn't pass out after using the Kyuubi's chakra because you can control _8 tails _of its power! When did that happen? Last I herd you couldn't even control half that amount."

Naruto gave a guilty wince, "You know I was having major trouble not using the fuzz butt's chakra and then using too much and loosing control, right?" The blond boy paused and looked around as everyone nodded then continued, "Well after the incident with Orochimaru where I lost control and hurt Sakura-chan, I decided drastic measures had to be taken to ensure that I never again lost control and hurt an ally. So I made a deal with the Kyuubi."

Horrified gasps could be heard all around the circle of people who were now surrounding Naruto. A few even took a few steps back in fear. Even though the jinchuuriki had made no threatening move at all. Naruto seeing the response to his statement back peddled, "Maybe making a deal isn't the right term to use it would probably be more accurate to say I blackmailed the Kyuubi?"

There were confused looks all around, "What are you talking about Naruto?", a bewildered Kakashi asked.

Naruto plopped down on the ground in preparation for a long story, and gestured for all those around him to also take a seat, "Well it happened like this..."

**FLASHBACK**

Naruto confidently strode through the dripping sewer that was his mindscape until he came to a stop before the Kyuubi's no Kitsune's cell, " Yo Fuzz butt! Wake your lazy self up!"

The massive Kitsune stirred and snapped in a deep booming voice, "You had better have a good reason for waking me whelp."

Naruto smirked and took up a confident stance, "Of course I do! I just made a summoning contract with the badgers."

There was a long pause before the Kyuubi said, "You're crazier than I thought if you're taking up with the badgers."

The blond jinchuuriki gave a self-assured laugh as he said, "Well I figured something needed to be done about your misbehaving and constantly trying to get out of me. So I've devised a punishment for the next time you misbehave."

"Oh?", the Kitsune stated in a smug voice, "And what unimaginative punishment have you thought of this time?"

Naruto's smiled, "The next time you misbehave I'm going to set you free."

There was a long pause in which the Kyuubi stared incredulously at the boy and even the silence seemed to be calling him a fool, "That's your new idea for a punishment?" The Kitsune asked condescendingly.

The blonds smile took on a knowing gleam, "If you misbehave I'm going to release you, and sic the boss badger summon on you."

The Kyuubi recoiled in shock, "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh I will." The boy replied, "In fact I think you'll like the boss of the badger summons, he's a cranky old honey badger who delights in shredding things, and he's already hoping for you to misbehave."

"You told him about me!", The Kyuubi shrilly questioned.

It was Naruto's turn to be smug, "Yep. He had the hungriest look in his eyes when I talked about you to. I think he's really looking forward to meeting you."

The Kitsune gulped, "W-wh-wait lets not be too hasty. I _promise _I'll do whatever you want, I'll even behave. Just _please _don't make me face that monster."

Naruto gave an amused laugh, "Monster eh? That's an odd sentiment coming from you. But, if you keep your promise and behave you'll never have to worry about meeting the boss badger summons."

The Kyuubi fervently nodded, "I-I will I promise."

**END FLASHBACK**

… "And that's pretty much how I got fuzz butt to cooperate with me."

Everyone was once again staring incredulously at Naruto when Kakashi summed up what all of them were thinking, "Naruto you... have the weirdest way of doing things."

A/n- I know it will probably seem strange that the Kyuubi is scared of a honey badger, but if you look up honey badger video's on youtube you'll see why the Kyuubi is so scared of them.


	3. Chapter 3

Ramen Sign

Summery- Non-believers think that ramen is merely a cheap meal. Silly non-believers.

Sakura winced as she felt a trickle of sweat cross over one of the many cuts on her face. She shouted in worry as she saw Naruto take a hit from Madara. Even from her distance away from the fight she could see blood spurting from the open wound. The sign of a punctured artery caused her to rush forward to deal with her friends wound. If he continued to lose blood at the rate he was losing it he would bleed out in minutes. She gave a growl of frustration as dizziness from lack of chakra made it hard to focus on Naruto's injuries. Nevertheless, she still pushed herself and pulled up the last dregs of her chakra to heal her teammate.

Naruto watched as Sakura healed his wound than swayed with slightly glassy eyes. Alarmed, the blond reached out and grasped his friends wrist, "Sakura, are you all right?"

Sakura blinked her glassy eyes to clarity, and promptly rolled them, "Yes Naruto, I'm absolutely fine I just decided to start a tradition of giving a celebratory sway every time I save a patient."

The blond's grip on Sakura's wrist tightened as he sardonically said, "Somehow I don't think that tradition will catch on. Nice deflection, but you've obviously used all the chakra you can spare and I'm not gonna let you kill yourself. I want you out of the rest of this fight."

The girl glared, "What!", She barked, "I'm the medic Naruto! I can't leave this fight until it's over."

Naruto gave Sakura a pleading look, but she refused to budge. "Then I'll just have to end the fight quickly.", the blond said.

Naruto came to his feet in front of the girl in a steady stance and gave Madara a determined glare as he started weaving signs. Sakura was amazed, she didn't think she'd ever seen so many hand signs strung together in a row. Not even with Kakashi-sensei, she starred as Naruto went on for a good 30 seconds just stringing together signs while sensei tried not to get killed by Madara. She swore she even saw some one-handed signs in there. When had Naruto learned those?

Finally the blonds hands froze in the strangest position she'd ever seen, his fingers were locked together in a tangled mass that looked like nothing short of chaos. Sakura felt a powerful build up of Kyuubi's chakra as Naruto shouted for Kakashi-sensei to move, and the blonds cheeks poofed out as of he were trying not to throw up. Then he spewed a powerfully explosive beam of chakra at Madara. The spiral masked man saw the beam and manged to take one step of retreat before the chakra beam overtook him. There was nothing left of Madara when the beam dissipated. Kakashi stared, masked face slack with shock. Sakura stared, shaking from the awesome amount of chakra she'd felt, and Naruto collapsed bonelessly to the ground.

Sakura gave a cry of surprise and hurried to check her teammates vitals, "Sensei!", she screamed, and waited until Kakashi was by her side, "Naruto's comatose and his heartbeat is sporadic. I think he's suffering from fatal chakra exhaustion, but I don't have the chakra to fix this, and even at a full run we won't make it to the medical outpost in time. Do you know a faster way?"

The jonin stared intently at his most troublesome and promising student, "I don't know a faster way, but I do still have a bit of chakra to spare. Is there a way to give it to him to stabilize him long enough for the run?"

The medic looked thoughtful then nodded, "I think so. Put your hands over mine and channel your chakra into them, from there I can send it to where it will be of the most use." Kakashi nodded and did as Sakura instructed as the girl focused all her concentration on saving her friend. After what couldn't have been more than a few moments the medic looked up, "I've stabilized him for now, but we need to hurry and get him to a fresh medic.

With a bob of his head Kakashi picked up his unconscious student and he and Sakura rushed to the medical outpost.

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It took two weeks for Naruto to wake up and sometime during those two weeks his ever faithful medics had him moved to Konoha where he would be safer. On the day he opened his eyes Sakura was taking his aural temperature, Naruto kept swatting at the thermometer like it was an annoying fly until Sakura gently whacked him upside the head all the while muttering about unconscious patients refusing to lie still. With a sleepy sigh Naruto muttered, "We would probably be more willing to lie still if you weren't tickling our ears."

He then found himself in the slightly smothering embrace of a squealing Sakura, "Naruto! You're finally up!", then she pulled back and smacked him, "You idiot! Why would you use a jutsu that cost so much chakra when you didn't have enough!"

The blond moaned and tiredly sat up, "Sakura stop attacking me.", he mumbled.

For a moment Sakura looked as if she'd continue her quasi attack but finally she slumped forward and sighed, "Fine.", she breathed, "but only if you tell me what that weird hand sign you used for your jutsu was."

A slightly more awake looking Naruto shot his friend a confused look, "Hand sign?"

"Yeah.", Sakura said, "That really twisty sign that was the last in the string."

The blond's face brightened in comprehension, "Oh! _That _sign. I call it the ramen sign. It works to guide the chakra in a constantly swirling motion so that it can keep it's stability. I call it the Ramen sign cause it makes chakra do the same thing ramen noodles do in moving broth, in fact that's how I came up with that sign which made it possible for me to complete that jutsu."

Sakura was incredulous, "So your telling me that you got the inspiration for strongest jutsu came from ramen!"

Naruto nodded firmly, "Yep.", the blond gave his friend a smug smirk, "I told you ramen was awesome."


	4. Chapter 4

Who's the fool?

_After a two year training trip with the same man that taught the fourth you'd think that Naruto would be all kinds of awesome. So why wasn't he?_

Naruto and Sakura were laying tiredly, but triumphantly, against a tree. Even after two and a half years of training Kakashi-sensei hadn't gotten easier to fight. Kakashi came and plopped down in front of them with a tired sigh, "Well I must say I'm proud of you. You both managed to not only last all night against a jonin, but even manged to be victorious. I'm even more impressed that you manged to do it with Naruto holding back."

Naruto blinked in surprise, "What are you talking about sensei? I didn't hold back."

The jonin's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, "Really? Are you sure?"

The blond frowned, "Of course I'm sure! Do you think I don't know my own skills?"

Kakashi shook his hands in a placating gesture, "Of course you know your abilities Naruto. It's just, in the test all I saw you do where shadow clones and the rasengan. The rasengan was bigger, and it seemed like you were a bit more organized with the shadow clones. But surely you learned much more than that on your trip with Jiraya-sama."

Naruto's face scrunched up, "No not really."

Sakura finally butted into the conversation, "So wait, Naruto you went on a two and a half year training trip with Jiraya, the man that trained the, most likely, strongest ninja ever when he trained the Fourth, and all you have to show for this trip is a slight improvement on all you old skills?"

Naruto was beginning to feel like there was something amiss but still answered Sakura's question with a nod.

The Haruno blew out a puff of air, "Then I want to know who the fool is, you or Jiraya-sama. Cause there's no other way to explain your lack of progress."

"Hey!" Naruto shouted as he jumped to his feet.

Kakashi butted in, "She's got a point. In the two and a half years that you were gone Sakura managed to master supper strength and be well on her way to becoming a master medic." The jonin turned to the Haruno, "Personally I think they're both idiot's. Minato-sensei was a genius after all."

It was at this point that Naruto stomped off in a huff.

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Deep in the Shinigami's belly Namikaze Minato moved a chess piece, "Checkmate." he yawned in boredom and tuned out the other digesting souls curses as he dreamed about how wonderful in would be to play this game with someone who could actually think ahead.

Suddenly a tingle started up Minato's spine causing him to sit up in surprise and causing his boring opponent to shut up and give him a curious look. Minato ignored this and focused on the tingle that had come to rest in his hand.

With a confused look the Fourth muttered, "Why do I suddenly have the overwhelming urge smack some sense into Kakashi?"


End file.
